My sister comes over early in the morning, right after my husband leaves for work, and we start warming up to a workout video.

"I'm bummed today," I bring it up, hoping, maybe...someone outside my head can offer perspective.

side, two, three, four...two jumping jacks...back, two, three, four...



She listens and I talk, and she talks and I listen ...



step, heel, step, pull ...




We talk about God and trials and how he works in our lives and what the Bible says about peace.



I believe the verses about trust and peace are true. But the process of learning to rest can be excrutiating, because it doesn't happen all at once.


But the conversation was encouraging.

To speak out loud, hear the words, helps focus my thoughts away from anxiety.

David talked to himself too. "Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why have you become disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him
For the help of His presence." Ps. 42:5

Hold My Hand

The steps of a man are established by the LORD,
And He delights in his way.
When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong,
Because the LORD is the One who holds his hand.

Psalm 37:23-24

For His Name's Sake

Doubt - it causes me to fear that God will not come through on His promises to keep changing me on the inside and directing my steps and decisions. I'm often stuck there for longer than I should be.

His Word would beg to differ, and with good reason...

Psalm 23:3
He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.

Psalm 31:3
For You are my rock and my fortress;
For Your name's sake You will lead me and guide me.

Psalm 79:9
Help us, O God of our salvation, for the glory of Your name;
And deliver us and forgive our sins for Your name's sake.

Ezekiel 20:44
Then you will know that I am the LORD when I have dealt with you for My name's sake, not according to your evil ways or according to your corrupt deeds, O house of Israel," declares the Lord GOD.

1 John 2:12
I am writing to you, little children, because your sins have been forgiven you for His name's sake.

Surely Goodness

Psalm 31:19-24

How great is Your goodness,
Which You have stored up for those who fear You,
Which You have wrought for those who take refuge in You,
Before the sons of men!

You hide them in the secret place of Your presence
from the conspiracies of man;
You keep them secretly in a shelter
from the strife of tongues.

Blessed be the LORD,
For He has made marvelous His lovingkindness to me in a besieged city.

As for me, I said in my alarm,
"I am cut off from before Your eyes";
Nevertheless You heard the voice of my supplications
when I cried to You.

O love the LORD, all you His godly ones!
The LORD preserves the faithful
And fully recompenses the proud doer.

Be strong and let your heart take courage,
All you who hope in the LORD.

Solid Rock

A few days ago I started a new (to me) book, called Second Guessing God: Hanging on When You Can't See His Plan by Brian Jones (a pastor in PA). I've only finished chapter one, but the principles are very solid so far and quite timely for my heart, for this semester in my life. He doesn't write so much as a theologian, but rather as a mentor who has seen his faith renewed through Scripture and his relationship with God.

I love the following words from Jones' professor who encouraged him in his struggle. During his senior year of seminary, Jones had all but given up on his faith and trust in God.

"...I have stood where you're standing. I've felt the water cascade across my feet. I know how wonderful that feels. But I've also had the water go back out to sea. I've felt the sand get washed out from underneath my feet...when the last grain of sand is finally gone, you're going to discover that you're standing on a rock."

Hebrews 6:17-20

"Wherein God, being minded to show more abundantly unto the heirs of the promise the immutability of his counsel, interposed with an oath; that by two immutable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we may have a strong encouragement, who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us: which we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and stedfast and entering into that which is within the veil; whither as a forerunner Jesus entered for us, having become a high priest for ever after the order of Melchizedek."

Matthew Henry comments on this passage:

"The consolations of God are strong enough to support his people under their strongest trials. The comforts of this world are too weak to bear up the soul under temptation, persecution, and death; but the consolations of the Lord are neither few nor small...it is an anchor that is cast upon the rock, the Rock of ages. It does not seek to fasten in the sands, but enters within the veil, and fixes there upon Christ; he is the object, he is the anchor-hold of the believer's hope."

From Protest to Praise

When I can't feel you I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray
And I want you more than I want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful (Brooke Fraser)



And when you feel alone like I know you will,
And when the cold wind blows like I know it will,
Don't let your love grow cold. (Sara Groves)

Whatever you're doing inside of me.
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
But I'm giving in to something heavenly. (Sanctus Real)

I will cry out until I go
from protest to praise.
You're always amazing me.
You're changing me slow, but surely
and you're gonna see me to the end. (Downhere)

Something so amazing in a heart so dark and dim
When a wall falls down and the light comes in
And I cannot make it
And I cannot fake it
And I can't afford it
But it's mine (Sara Groves)

Sunday Morning

Part of this poem was printed in the sermon notes this morning. Though some of it is a little different, I thought it was beautiful and hopeful. Jesus is a High Priest who sympathizes with our weaknesses, and He knows how to walk us through them successfully.





Jesus of the Scars
by Edward Shillito

If we have never sought, we seek Thee now;
Thine eyes burn through the dark, our only stars;
We must have sight of thorn-pricks on Thy brow,
We must have Thee, O Jesus of the Scars.

The heavens frighten us; they are too calm;
In all the universe we have no place.
Our wounds are hurting us; where is the balm?
Lord Jesus, by Thy Scars, we claim Thy grace.

If, when the doors are shut, Thou drawest near,
Only reveal those hands, that side of Thine;
We know to-day what wounds are, have no fear,
Show us Thy Scars, we know the countersign.

The other gods were strong; but Thou wast weak;
They rode, but Thou didst stumble to a throne;
But to our wounds only God's wounds can speak,
And not a god has wounds, but Thou alone.

A Study of The Helper

While sitting in my classroom at school, I sometimes hear from down the hall or outside my door: "walk down the hallway to the focus room or I will help you" (read: drag/carry you). This is sometimes accompanied by shrieking, sobbing, or screaming. : )

I need help. Breathtakingly wonderful is the fact that God, all-powerful and omniscient and sovereign and immutable, has proclaimed Himself my helper. Not "He'll help you if you can't do it yourself" but "He is my help."

But You, O LORD, be not far off; O You my help, hasten to my assistance.
Psalm 22:19

Hear, O LORD, and be gracious to me; O LORD, be my helper.
Psalm 30:10

Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me?Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him,The help of my countenance and my God.
Psalm 42:11

Rise up, be our help, And redeem us for the sake of Your lovingkindness.
Psalm 44:26

Behold, God is my helper;
The Lord is the sustainer of my soul.
Psalm 54:4

For You have been my help,
And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.
Psalm 63:7

You who fear the LORD, trust in the LORD;
He is their help and their shield.
Psalm 115:11

Psalm 146 is titled "The Lord an Abundant Helper".

I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper,
that He may be with you forever.
John 14:16

He was David's Helper, and He is my Helper.
A gracious helper, a loving helper, an abundant helper.
God is a joy-giving helper, a protecting helper,
a present helper, a sustaining helper.

Lord, thank you.

Encouragement

God has been sending special moments of encouragement my way through my job. The other day I got to talk to another teacher whom I discovered is vaguely associated with CBC and believes much the same I do.

Today I spent some time being trained by another woman who mentioned the Baptist church she attends. It was encouraging to hear her endorsement of the discipline/intervention system I am working through with kids. She was excited about the opportunity to influence the lives of children even though I can't really share my personal beliefs.

Of course I enjoy getting to know others who have different background/worldviews than I, but sometimes it's nice to have a moment of familiarity.

It has been fun to work a little bit with the two ladies in the front office, which is right around the corner from my room. They are so funny and very gracious to answer all my questions and teach me all the procedures and protocall of the school. There are also so many other quality teachers/administrators/faculty that are teaching me lessons about working with children, handling different types of situations, etc., as I watch them interact with their students. They are wonderful people.

It is an exciting learning experience, and I know at this time in my life that this is where God wants me to be!